Relationship Glue: Affirmations and Intimacy
Affirmation plays an important role in all relationships. But why are affirmations so important? And how can they benefit your relationship?
The emotional closeness you and your partner share in part stems from your ability to affirm one another. At some point in your relationship you began to experience your partner as special—distinct from the others in your life. S/he possessed certain characteristics that you value. The unique traits each of you saw in the other stood out and were highlighted throughout the beginning of your relationship.
When you and your partner recognize each other’s uniqueness you create opportunities to affirm each other—adding to the atmosphere of emotional closeness. When you commented on your partner’s uniqueness, s/he felt that you had uncovered the roadmap to understanding who s/he is. This fuels the intimacy that is an essential part of your relationship.
There are many ways to affirm your partner. You already do it—with words, how you say something, the way you look at and touch him/her. We all affirm our partners, sometimes without realizing it. Saying, “I love you” is a type of affirmation. Unfortunately, as relationships develop and slide into complacency, we tend to forgo affirmations since we assume that our partner knows how we feel about him/her. This is a mistake at the cost of intimacy.
Find Your Affirming Voice
Note the difference in these two similar types of feedback:
Compare “That was a funny joke” with “You’re funny.”
Both are positive forms of feedback we’d all be happy to receive. But there is an important difference between these messages that can help add power to your affirmations.
The first piece of feedback describes something associated with you that is temporary—on a particular occasion you told a funny joke. Next time your joke may land flat on its face. On the other hand, when told you’re funny, you are given feedback about who you are as a person. In essence, a permanent part of you is being recognized and appreciated.
This is what affirmation is all about: Your uniqueness is recognized and appreciated. Marriages and relationships that include affirmations are more robust. How do you feel when your spouse affirms you? Many report feeling more upbeat and connected with others after receiving meaningful affirmations.
Action step: Focus on your partner’s uniqueness.
As your relationship matures, it is easy to overlook all the things about your partner that caused you to fall head over heels in love. We’ve all been there and done that. Rather than continue down the road of oversight, reflect on the following questions to help keep you attuned to your partner’s uniqueness:
~Think about all the ways in which your partner is unique. What does s/he possess as a person that you value? Think of ways you can turn these into affirmations.
~Why were you initially drawn to your partner? What words did you use to describe him/her to friends and family when you were first dating? This was the time when you were hyper-attuned to all of your partner’s unique traits. Begin to use these recollections to affirm your partner in the present.
The answers to these questions will give you the tools needed to communicate to your partner in a more loving and compassionate way. By adding several affirmations to your relationship per week, you’ll increase the health and positive energy that is so important to your union.
Find out how to create the relationship of your dreams: Sign up for the free Relationship Toolbox Newsletter at http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and immediately receive two FREE reports that will help you achieve your relationship potential.
Rich Nicastro, Ph.D. is a relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship.
